June 10, 2014 by thegutpuncher
Well in my last blog post I spoke of the beginning of a new chapter. Today that new chapter starts. Today is the day that my ex-boyfriend gave me my stuff back. Today is the day where worrying about that is over.
This new chapter includes applying for a job which is effectively a promotion which I need to interview for. I’m nervous and worried about that because I hate interviews I’m pretty sure I’m really bad at them due to my self confidence being low. However this is an interview with my manager who I’ve worked with for over a year now and I know the company policies well enough that I have an advantage on any external applicants because I only need to be taught some things and not everything. However I’m still really nervous as I really want it and really don’t want to cock it up.
I’m still in search of a place to live. I’ve spotted a few options, its just fitting in viewings and finding somewhere I like then will come the hassle of paperwork. However there are quite a few new options as opposed to lots of places I’ve already seen which I won’t be making an offer on, so fingers crossed I can find something worth an offer on.
I still need to make headway on learning to drive so that’s something I need to focus on as it would be incredibly helpful to do. Its just finding the time and motivation but getting my stuff back has reinvigorated me. Its a small victory but it makes me feel like I can do anything and suddenly gutpunching 2014 and improving on 2013 seems possible. Also I’ve made progress dealing with some things from my past which sometimes leave me feeling weak and useless as a human being. I’ve had an epiphany that feeling like that because of things in my past such as being bullied do not make me a weak and useless person because I don’t have the confidence of an extravert. I am a strong person for trying my hardest to talk to people I don’t know and trying to work on my confidence when it doesn’t come naturally to me. I need to focus on my personal best and not how others are better than me because the fact I work hard and make small improvements is great. Whether other people believe it or not is up to them. I’m gutpunching 2014 regardless of whether they can fathom how much hard work and effort I put into everyday life. So I guess part of the internal battle is won if I know that I am improving and that it doesn’t matter what others think of what they perceive as slow and little progress. Hell I’ve improved enough that my manager thinks I’d be good at the job I’m being interviewed for so I can’t be that bad.
It’s a new chapter, I guess I’ve learnt a lot about myself since my ex ended our relationship. I’ve learnt things I should have known about myself and remembered things about myself that I’d forgotten during our relationship. The most important being I can cope with anything life throws at me. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, I can cope. I obviously need a little adjustment period but other than that I can cope. I am not weak and I am not useless, no matter how people make me feel. Hopefully my new positive attitude will result in things going well. Well I can hope that life brings me good news some time soon. You get what you get and I can only hope my hard work and efforts pay off eventually. I’ve gutpunched the year already I guess with my progress but I still have 6 months to improve even more and I’m not giving up any time soon.