Gutpunching March-July

Progress made

1. I have made good progress reading through some of my books in my to read pile. I have read a few books which has made a dent.
2. I have made progress de-hoarding clothes- specifically I have sent a couple of bags worth of clothes to thrift+ to sell on and got piles to go to charity shops
3. I watched through several tv series that I was part way through and finished them off
4. I have made a dent watching through DVDs in my DVD watch pile
5. I have been making progress and nearly gone through all my stuff once
6. I have managed to get to the bottom of my ironing pile
7. Gone through tonnes of paperwork and got rid of it
8. I finished a jigsaw puzzle me and my mum started together and have done on and off for months
9. Went through the living room and most of the bedroom and dehoarded them

MCU opinion- AOU with Pepper

So I have some opinions on the following image

The thing that annoys me every time I see this reason why Pepper couldn’t be in Age of Ultron, is that most of those times that Pepper said no, Tony went and did the thing anyway.

The first instance from what I remember she stops and talks to him.

The second instance he very much hired Black Widow. Whilst he didn’t exactly have Black Widow, he got what he wanted, because it suited Black Widow’s agenda. Pepper did not stop any thing.

The third instance him and Pepper ended up dancing.

If Pepper had been in Age of Ultron, she would have said no, but ultimately Age of Ultron would have unfolded exactly the same way. Tony always went ahead with what he thought was best at that stage of the MCU. He was also heavily influenced by the vision Wanda had put in his head to save everyone. So Pepper in all likelihood would not have impacted the overall outcome of the film or stopped the story line for the film.

Gutpunching January- February 2021

2021 progres so far

1. I have sorted out numerous direct debits I don’t need that I’d left for ages because of being anxious.
2. I have done yoga a few times which I take as a win as I’ve felt low so didn’t do it
3. I have read a couple of books and graphic novels from my massive read list
4. Me and my boyfriend completed Lego marvel avengers and Lego marvel superheroes 2 100%
5. started watching through some series I was part way through- completing 3 series

Thoughts on 2020-2021 transition

It’s been a while since I wrote anything. 2020 was a tough year for a lot of people. I personally struggled with increased depression and anxiety. Work stress was high as I counted as a key worker. I have also been furious and so enraged most of the year. But most importantly there was good stuff

Things in 2020 I am proud that I managed to fit in as I feel better for it

1. started doing relatively regular yoga from November
2. Made a conscious effort to stop contributing to fast fashion by getting rid of ads on social media where possible, not following shops online, unsubscribing from emails, trying to shop second hand where appropriate
3. made an effort to reduce plastic consumption
4. read several books and graphic novels from my to read list
5. listened through and got up to date with ologies podcast

Things I plan to do through 2021

1. Carry on with yoga relatively regularly
2. continue avoiding fast fashion where possible and purchase second hand and sustainable where possible
3. continue decreasing plastic consumption
4. try to read through as many books/graphic novels in my to read list as possible. Try to read one a week
5. try to drink more water
6. Do the online course I’ve already paid for see if I can make time for something like an online degree
7. Dehoard and declutter unnecessary stuff
8. Keep up to date with ologies and listen to more podcasts
9. anything else I would like to do and can manage to do

Overall, I hopefully will continue being a better person where possible and hopefully gutpunch 2021

Sharks vs the real plague on the planet

Earlier today I read a story that made my blood boil. In America there are guys who filmed shooting a shark and dragging it behind their speed boat. One of the guys responsible was jailed for 10 days.

I am disgusted that there is such low punishment for animal cruelty. Especially with the correlation of low empathy and psychopaths. And as the statistics on the image below show there is no justification for the cruelty.

There is more danger of suffering at the hands of another human being, and we are surrounded by those fuckers. Human beings are more likely Than any other animal to be responsible for death to other human beings.

Below this article was a comment about sentencing sharks who kill humans. Well the things about wild animals is that they make decisions based on instinct and survival. They don’t make the same conscious choices human beings do. They have not developed a concept of good or bad. The dictionary definition of humanity is

humanity

noun

1. human beings collectively e.g”appalling crimes against humanity”
2. the quality of being humane; benevolence e.g. “he praised them for their standards of humanity and care”

Humanity is our race and the quality of being humane; yet there are those who are a poor example. We have the capacity to make a conscious choice knowing the morality of things. Penalising animals for the rights and wrongs we’ve applied to this world is insane.

Sharks get culled for doing nothing more than following instinct and surviving. Those human beings from the previously mentioned article and video, stood safely in their boat, recording their treatment of this shark and jeering. Fully conscious of what they were doing.

There are days where being put in the category of human is just shameful, when you are put into the same category as the shit stains on society that animal abusers are, as well as other shit stains committing atrocities, in spite of the fact we set up a concept of morality. Today, I feel like if the planet destroys us, like the illness humanity can be, it would not be a shame.

Thankfully not all humans are awful. Thankfully there are good news stories in the world too. Thankfully there are enough good moments to make all those bad moments slightly more bearable. But for tonight, I am done with the news and done with the internet.

Letter to my teenage self

Dear Teenage Gutpuncher,

If I could possibly send a message to the past through some technological advance or whatever and tell you how far we have come, I’m not sure that you would genuinely believe me. There was a point where you heard school is the best days of your life and you used to say “if this is the best that life is going then I may as well end it now”. Whilst I have no doubt that you would be happy to hear things got a lot better, I genuinely doubt that you expected to get to the stage we are at now.

You could not stand any photos of yourself and did not like being photographed. You received a lot of negative comments about the way you look. You were advised to wear makeup. We still do not regularly wear make up. Our skin looks fucking amazing, even with the occasional acne flair up. No one we have met recently believes we suffer from it that badly. We can stand to have photos taken and spend more time loving ourself than we do criticising ourselves for things that cannot be changed like our DNA. We have more things to gutpunch in terms of loving ourself but goddamn have we done an amazing job so far.

You were quiet and couldn’t stand speaking to people you do not know. You were really struggling with our anxiety. Now people in our life, who have no knowledge of the person we were, literally think we talk a lot, we are loud and that we are confident. We have had job roles we would not have dreamed possible. We have some more work to do on this but damn have we made massive steps.

You wouldn’t believe that we managed to go to a festival for two days alone. But we did. We were absolutely fine. Our anxiety with travelling is nowhere near as bad as it was.

There was a point before and after your first relationship where you believed that you were not going to find someone who would want to be in a relationship with you. In the 5 years of being single a lot of the people who were interested were not up to our standards. We received a lot of pressure from people who thought we were being too picky. If I could tell you about our current relationship I’m not sure you would 100% believe me; we have met a guy, who meets our standards and right now it is going really well. We were right to stick to our standards. Completely justified to wait and be treated with the respect we deserve.

So thank you for making all the small and initially difficult steps that resulted in this being our life. I am proud of you. It was not easy and by no stretch of the imagination will the next steps be any easier. But well done on fighting each and every day for a life you will be happy with. And as tribute to you Teenage Gutpuncher, I promise to carry on as you did. Taking steps each day to strive for a life you would have been proud to know was yours. Continuously gutpunching to lead a life that you would have trouble reconciling in your mind as your own. But most importantly ensuring that you have no regrets for carrying on.

Lots of love,

2019 Gutpuncher

Days 7, 8 and 9

For once I have written this in advance so I don’t get too far behind that I completely behind and post over 3 months later. Gutpuncher: 1 Procrastination/life:0.

Day 7: list 10 songs you’re loving right now

1. Feel it still- Portugal. The man

I heard this whilst watching Riverdale season 2. Infectious and it was stuck in my head at work all week.

2. Unstoppable- The Score

Heard this in the power rangers movie 2017, which was basically the breakfast club, but instead of weed they bonded over alien power suits. I love the lyrics and quite liked the sound track of the film in general.

3. Stay Frosty royal milk tea- Fall Out Boy

This is on my list for the lyrics.

4. Friends- Marshmello, Anne Marie

I really relate to this as I have had a few friends cling to the idea of being in a relationship with me.

5. The time is now- The North Panics

Heard this whilst watching Riverdale season 2 as well I do quite like the sound track.

6. Spooky- Dusty Springfield

Also on the Riverdale season 2 soundtrack.

7. I’m gonna do my thing- Royal Deluxe

First heard this whilst watching Riverdale season 2. Catchy and I like the lyrics.

8. Never be the same- Camila Cabello

I’ve warmed up to this after hearing it on the radio and in my brother’s car so it makes the list.

9. She loves control- Camila Cabello

I took a look at this after I decided to check out her album on Spotify.

10. IDGAF- Dua Lipa

Frequently on the radio and I like the lyrics.

Day 8: Share something you struggle with

I struggle with a lot of things. They will be listed on the blog in previous posts. One that hasn’t is struggling with my energy levels. I’ve been to numerous doctors and they currently have not found a solution or diagnosis as such. I struggle with trying to do creative projects that I want to do, going places and doing my housework. I also struggle to cook for myself because of this. I am working on gutpunching it but it can be so draining trying to achieve it all.

Day 9: post some words of wisdom that speak to you

Well to be honest I could be here all day as there are so many but I will post some of the current ones that I bear in my mind

“I validate myself, motherfucker”

Specifically my worth is not defined by anyone but me.

“Be someone who makes you happy”

Kind of like the above.

“The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who’s going to stop me”

The answer is no one I can’t gutpunch.

“Let’s stop whining and kick some ass”

Gutpunching 2018 is the goal so I need to concentrate on my goals and keep moving forward with it.

Who knows I might complete this challenge in April.

30 Day Writing Challenge: Days 3, 4, 5 and 6

Due to being busy over Christmas, then being ill I put this challenge off temporarily so it’s time for a bulk upload due to this.

Day 3: my three top pet peeves

1) Liars. Liars annoy the crap out of me as I am opposite them wishing I could throat punch them so they can stop spilling lies out as they believe that I am gullible/stupid enough to buy it. They can read my facial expression and they know that I do not believe them yet they persist with trying to convince me otherwise. Insulting as well as a horrible thing to do anyway. Honesty is always valued.

2) People who underestimate me. I cannot stand people who have decided who I am based on no information and a first glance. People who assume I’m stupid and immature and have some preconceived insulting ideas as to who I actually am infuriate me. They need to base their opinions on facts not just a quick glance at me.

3) Clingy people. These people wind me up as I feel suffocated and harassed having lived by myself for 3 years I can’t tolerate it. I get wound up by it as usually I feel like I can’t do anything without them needing to double check and triple check things I’ve just said repeatedly at regular intervals which just pisses me off. If I say I’m getting a lift with friends once and you hear it’s completely unnecessary to double, triple and quadruple check I’m doing what I said I was going to be doing. It’s insulting to me as it feels like I cannot be trusted to tell the truth.

Day 4: Write about someone who inspires you

One of the people who inspires me is Joan Jett as she set up her own record company blackheart records when they wouldn’t release the song Bad Reputation and released it herself. Not only is the song inspiring but she ignored their opinion and did it herself and proved them wrong.

Day 5: List 5 places you want to visit

1) anywhere where I can swim with different types of shark

2) Pretty much the whole world.

A cop out, yes but at the same time I think that the world is far too beautiful and interesting to limit it to 5 places. I can think of at least triple that in Europe alone, let alone the entire world.

Day 6: 5 ways to win your heart

Well to be perfectly honest I do not think that there are 5 ways and there’s not really an instruction manual for something that’s very much based on emotions. Having none of the attributes from my pet peeves list helps. But it’s not as simple as that. It’s hard to describe but it’s a feeling that when you are there you know it. That person would not have to necessarily do anything similar to my ex but I could have a similar feeling regardless. There’s no one way or even 5 to recreate that feeling. It’s something my intuition just picks up on.

Due to how far behind I am I’m going to bulk uploading the rest as well.

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 2

So it’s day 2 and today’s challenge is write something someone told you about yourself that you will never forget.

Well firstly I can’t guarantee that I will never forget. The brain has finite space and you become more forgetful as you get older. Also it doesn’t account for circumstances changing. But one of the most poignant things someone told me about myself, that I would struggle to forget, is that they don’t think I could cope by myself. My boyfriend at the time told me this. He didn’t believe I could lose live by myself. He believed that I could only live outside my mum’s house with his assistance and him doing the majority of the work. I have lived by myself for 3 years. I have been single for all of them. I have not had assistance from him with coping and here I am doing well. Well, as well as I can be with suspected chronic fatigue syndrome. I can’t forget what he said even though he is blatantly wrong as I’ve been fine.

I purposely remember as it’s a reminder of a couple of important lessons I must not forget. Firstly no one sets my limitations other than me as they cannot begin to know how far I will go and what is in my capabilities to achieve. Secondly the next time someone who claims to love me yet relegates me to his inferior that only he can save I should tell him where to go this time as I should have done that previously.

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 1

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything so I have decided to do the writing challenge to prompt me to write again.

So Day 1: 10 Things that make me really happy.

1) Scuba diving with sharks. For one of my birthdays I went scuba diving with sharks and it was absolutely amazing. I have thoroughly been bitten by the bug and cannot wait to get underwater and swim with as many types of shark as possible including getting in a cage in great white infested water.

2) The feeling of getting into bed after putting fresh sheets on after a shower in clean pyjamas. Ultimate comfortable.

3) Spending time with my family as now I don’t live with them I actually enjoy spending time with them. It makes me value them probably more than I used to.

4) Being complimented on aspects of my personality or who I am. I can’t stand comments on my physical appearance. My favourite compliment is that I punch like a man. As apparently I properly lock my wrists and throw a punch that hurts.

5) Quick witted conversations and debates. Something that engages my brain.

6) Buying presents for people and making them incredibly happy as you know their taste so well.

7) Sitting inside with a hot cup of tea as it’s raining with a book or a jigsaw with no need to go anywhere.

8) Clearing out and tidying. As it is a nice feeling everything being in order.

9) Seeing how far I’ve come from the person that I used to be. It’s a moment of pride as I can barely recognise the life I built and it gutpunches the expectations of those who doubted me.

10) People who actually know me well. People I don’t need to explain myself to.